How Can I Ever Forgive You?

How Can I Ever Forgive You?

Carol and Eric, married for twenty years and with children at home, came to see me on the brink of divorce. Carol was seething with a cold rage. Eric was penitent, in obvious pain, desperate to save their marriage. Carol said, “We both know we had a sacred agreement....
Should I Get a Divorce?

Should I Get a Divorce?

Many unhappy couples go to counselors together before calling it quits. Many of the counselors believe that their job as professionals is to save the partnership. Dr. Phil is an example. “You know you’re ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door...
What to Do About Cheating

What to Do About Cheating

He’s married, and he looks at another woman. She, with a husband and two kids, lunches alone with a single male coworker. Does this behavior amount to cheating? What about text messages and phone calls? In the television series Orange Is the New Black, Piper has sex...
Getting Married?  Read This First!

Getting Married? Read This First!

Most people think getting married is procedurally pretty simple. You connect with someone you like and find attractive. You date for a while. You meet the folks and the friends. You compare notes: living and working where? how many kids? You affirm your love....
How to Have Better Sex

How to Have Better Sex

When I was a kid, back in prehistoric times, someone published a book with answers to all the questions people had about sex (so the title proclaimed) but were afraid to ask. Nowadays no one seems to be afraid of asking anything, but sex is still a bugaboo. He doesn’t...
You Aren’t Listening!

You Aren’t Listening!

When I see couples for therapy, the problem is always the same: communication is blocked. It’s my job to ensure that both people speak and that both feel heard. In sessions with individuals I help clients probe their thoughts and feelings, but with couples I become a...
How Do I Know I Can Trust You?

How Do I Know I Can Trust You?

The older we get, the more likely we are to have been betrayed in the past. Particularly when betrayal comes early in life, and certainly when it happens repeatedly, it haunts us. We work frantically to prevent a recurrence. This is where distrust begins. Betrayal...
Troubleshooting Love

Troubleshooting Love

The couples who come to see me have reached an impasse. Often they can’t talk without yelling and insulting each other. Sometimes they can’t keep house in a way that satisfies them both. Often one feels burdened and believes the other is not doing enough. Always the...
Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts

Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts

As a way of meeting a long-term partner, online dating sites are now second only to meeting through friends. This short guide includes some extra information to help older daters feel more comfortable with this still relatively new way of finding a companion. If...
What You Must Do to Recover from Your Divorce

What You Must Do to Recover from Your Divorce

Divorce forces you to figure out who you are without the other person. This statement sounds obvious and simple, right? Still, if the two of you have been married for many years, perhaps raising children together, it can be anything but. You are accustomed to allowing...
How to Find a Heavenly Mate Right Here on Earth

How to Find a Heavenly Mate Right Here on Earth

Another relationship went south and you ask yourself why. You found this great guy (or gal). Your eyes met across a crowded room, and—wow! Heaven and earth moved. You just knew that this was The One. The two of you got acquainted on a couple of heady dates and hopped...
140 Priceless Ways to Tell Me You Love Me

140 Priceless Ways to Tell Me You Love Me

It has never been easier to send chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day. A click and a few keyboarded numbers will do the job. But how genuine and heartfelt is a gesture that involves so little real thought and effort? There’s a better way. The suggestions below...
How to Know If It’s Over

How to Know If It’s Over

Often people ask me to tell them if a relationship is over. Mostly they want me to read someone else’s behavior, to say how I think the other person may be feeling and whether or not she (or he) will ever change.  So what would I say if you asked me these questions?...
How to Feel Better About Yourself

How to Feel Better About Yourself

When I was twelve, my mother died of cancer. She had been ill for seven years. A beautiful redhead in her youth, she increasingly isolated as the disease ravaged her. Over time, I became her sole companion. Now, as a child I could hardly be held responsible for...
Of Dust Mice and Men

Of Dust Mice and Men

The couples who come to see me are often people who fight about housekeeping. For the sake of argument, let’s assume that the plaintiff is the husband and the defendant the wife. Still, the roles are often reversed. Hubby Gerald argues that wife Sheila is impossibly...
How to Tell If You Are Ready for Love

How to Tell If You Are Ready for Love

If you are looking for a long-term partner, you want to be emotionally available. Huh? What is “emotionally available”? Isn’t it enough to be not married or not in a relationship with someone else? Not exactly. Let me explain. In the discussion below, disregard the...
How to Have a Great Sex Life

How to Have a Great Sex Life

You can set the stage for romance in bed and elsewhere by following a few simple rules. No, I’m not talking about wine, candles, and roses. I’m talking about attitude. Some people think of sex simply as something to have or do. It’s easy to see how this mindset...