How to Talk to Children About Calamities

How to Talk to Children About Calamities

How do you give really bad news to children? What should you say when a natural disaster hits or when someone important dies? How can you parse a divorce for a child—or bankruptcy or foreclosure or drug addiction or crime? This world has so many kinds of adversity....
When Your Child Is Out of Control

When Your Child Is Out of Control

“My child is out of control!” I have heard this heartfelt cry so many times from parents who are frustrated at not being obeyed. But the problem is not simply a matter of exacting compliance. Let’s start by considering the complaint. When you say “out of control,” you...
Lighthearted Ways to Manage Your Child’s Behavior

Lighthearted Ways to Manage Your Child’s Behavior

It’s great when parents can correct a young child without provoking tension, conflict, and a power struggle. One way of doing this is to use some form of playful humor to make your point.  Some of the examples below work well in families with several children. ...
Do You Know How to Discipline Your Child?

Do You Know How to Discipline Your Child?

Back in the Dark Ages when I was about five years old, I can remember lying on my bed and sobbing, then hearing my father’s angry voice—“I’m not going to put up with this!”—and his footsteps coming swiftly down the hall toward my room. I got a spanking that day and on...
Offsetting the Legacy of Adversity

Offsetting the Legacy of Adversity

Children are like recent immigrants. They arrive with little or no command of the language or knowledge of the local customs and depend on the natives for survival. As they learn to fend for themselves, they rely heavily on their senses and their powers of...
On Risks, Resilience, and Cell Phones

On Risks, Resilience, and Cell Phones

A woman who sees me for counseling spoke recently about chatting with a man she met on an online dating site. After their initial contact he wanted to connect with her by phone or text. Noticing that he lived in a nearby town, she suggested that they meet for coffee....
Teaching Your Child About Responsibility

Teaching Your Child About Responsibility

When a child breaks household rules, many parents invoke consequences. “Okay, that’s it,” they say. “No cell phone. No computer. No iPad.  No Wii.” Sometimes kids are grounded for months. Consequences of this sort are really just ordinary punishment, which usually...
Tips to Exterminate Tantrums

Tips to Exterminate Tantrums

One of my child clients, a smart, pretty redhead we’ll call Marcy, comes to see me after graduating from an extended day treatment program at a local clinic. Marcy, age nine, is healthy, strong, and stubborn. She is an unenthusiastic student at school, where she...
Do You Know These Ten Top Strategies of Supermoms?

Do You Know These Ten Top Strategies of Supermoms?

Ever wonder why some kids seem to have it all? Some children succeed in school, have lots of friends, and look confident. In a group they appear connected to others and seem to be having fun. On their own, they take pride in their talents and achievements. They are...
What Your Child Says Without Speaking

What Your Child Says Without Speaking

Most of what I know about children I have learned by observing them. What children say is only a small part of the story. How they look, act, and respond to their immediate environment—as well as to you and me—is far more important. The longer you look, and the more...
How You Can Help Your Child Make Friends

How You Can Help Your Child Make Friends

Some children struggle to make and keep friends. You can use this list of pointers to help your child develop social skills. The conversation can also be a springboard for discussion of the many ways of enjoying other people’s company. Let someone know you’d like to...
How to Read Your Child’s Mind

How to Read Your Child’s Mind

Speech is not as important to children as it is to adults. Children have a smaller vocabulary than grownups and don’t depend on words to express their feelings. If you’re a parent, you need to look at the big picture to know what’s going on with your kid. Therapists...
Advocate on Behalf of Your Troubled Child

Advocate on Behalf of Your Troubled Child

American families seeking mental health services for troubled children in the community today face a daunting challenge. Budgets are tight, resources are hard to access, and demand exceeds supply. Parents do well to become forceful advocates. Scarce benefits go to...
How I Do Therapy with Children

How I Do Therapy with Children

You are worried that something is wrong with your child. Perhaps worse, you doubt your own ability to fix it, and so you are bringing your child to see me, a therapist. It seems only fair, under the circumstances, that I should tell you up front what I can do for you...
Children as Medicine

Children as Medicine

Children as medicine?  No, I do not mean “children and medicine.”  I am not talking about how to raise them, and I am certainly not suggesting that you bring a child into this world so that you can heal yourself in some way. I have in mind the natural...
How to Be a Stepparent

How to Be a Stepparent

I’ve been a stepparent, and I’ve had a stepparent. If this history doesn’t make me sound like an expert, let me say that as a psychotherapist I’ve listened to dozens of stepparents, their spouses, and their stepchildren. Stepparents have a tough job, but a few...