Family Therapy
Family therapy strengthens bonds between family members and improves communication.  At the start of each session, everyone has a chance to offer “items for the agenda” (topics for discussion).  People learn to thank each other for support, to ask for help, to settle differences, and to have fun together.  I teach children that they are the vice presidents in charge of themselves and that the parents are the presidents.

Family rule setting is ideally a collaborative process.  The parents establish basic expectations.  Children are then invited to contribute rules that reflect their own feelings and needs while accommodating parents’ requirements.  Children and parents together establish rewards and incentives.  Penalties need to be set before rules are broken, since they cannot otherwise serve as deterrents.  Incentives can build on each other daily, weekly, or monthly.  You can recognize one child for excellent performance and also reward siblings for successful collaboration.  Some of my top-secret weapons improve children’s compliance with parents’ directives while making home life more pleasant for everyone!

As parents, you teach your children first and foremost by your example, but there are also learning opportunities that strengthen bonds.  Try instituting a weekly hour during which each family member shares news and concerns.  Encourage your children to practice relationship skills such as negotiation, the appropriate expression of disagreement, and the ability to listen to someone else’s strong emotions while staying in touch with your own feelings.  Everyone can participate in inventing new traditions that celebrate the family’s unique sense of identity.  Family members take turns leading and planning for this meeting.  Be sure to reserve a big chunk of time for games, fun, and creative activity that people can look forward to each week.  Fun experiences give family members the energy to work out problems as they arise.